Sword's Edge
by historylover
Summary: Tag for 5.18 "Point of No Return." Congratulations to Supernatural for hitting 100 episodes!


A/N: I'm tired. But, my brain is working overtime. Awesome. This is my 60th Supernatural story. And another attempt at writing Cas, but this time, both him and Sam (because I don't write Sam so well).

Disclaimer: Don't own anything. And probably OOC, considering that I probably need to digest this episode some more. Also, MST3K and all that.

**Sword's Edge**

Castiel ignored Bobby as the man glared at him as he tried to straighten up the papers the angel had inadvertently caused to fly around when he whooshed in.

He paused to catch his breath, amazed he had to do it. As more time past that he was separated from Heaven and his fellow angels, the harder simple powers became. Plus, getting blown away by Dean earlier wasn't helping. He was even worn out by his fight with Dean, although the man wasn't able to lay a finger on him.

He definitely was weaker than ever before. He knew he was just going to get weaker as days went on.

In fact, just the last few weeks, he could feel the exhaustion, the weakness, the pain. The betrayal. First his brother angels, then God. And finally, Dean himself. The first betrayal was confusing. He lost a piece of himself. But, he was able to come up with surrogate brothers to help fill the void.

God's betrayal was the worst pain he had ever felt. Nothing could compare.

Dean's betrayals were strange and made him feel incredibly… human. Confused, angry, hurt. It was like a physical pain. He took pleasure in beating the hell out of the man. He wanted to make Dean hurt as much as he did. Sure, intellectually, Cas knew that Dean probably didn't mean anything personal by it—he just knew a way out of the panic room. But someone had to beat sense into that stubborn, human head.

Also, getting blown out like that _hurt_. It felt like he was turning inside out.

"Cas, what are you doing?" Bobby's gruff voice got his attention.

"There are at least five angels guarding the place, not counting Zachariah. It's going to be tough."

"It's going to be suicide."

"Is he still wanting to go with his plan?"

Bobby glared again, although this time Cas knew it wasn't directed at him. "What plan? You mean that insanely bad idea? Dean's obviously going to say yes. And if Sam doesn't realize that, he's more naïve than anyone thought. Maybe you can talk sense into him. Or beat sense into him. He's downstairs in the panic room with Dean."

"Thanks," Cas muttered and walked downstairs.

Cas approached the panic room, feeling strangely apprehensive. Last time he was here, Dean betrayed him and ran again.

_Why is it I still consider him a friend and a brother in spite of everything?_

He opened the slide of the window in time to see Sam, who was sitting in the chair, start, as if he had been dozing off. Considering everything that had happened the last few days, Cas figured Sam had to be exhausted. Suddenly, it occurred to the angel that if both he and Sam were exhausted, Dean had to close to the end.

"Cas?" Sam whispered.

"Yes. I just got back."

"Come on in. Dean's still out."

Cas took a deep breath, then opened the door cautiously. Dean was turned away from them on the bed, handcuffed to the frame.

"So, how was it?" Sam asked.

An idea slowly started forming in Cas' mind. He didn't want to talk about it. It was sort of a hairbrained scheme, one that probably wouldn't work.

Not that the Winchesters were strangers to hairbrained schemes…

"There are at least 5 angels, not counting Zachariah. There is no way you're getting inside without every angel gunning for you. And they _will_ kill you."

Sam nodded at Dean. "That's why we're taking him along. He's the only game in town."

Cas sighed. "Sam, what are you doing? You need to get some sleep."

Sam shook his head. "I'll be here when he wakes up. I need to be here. I don't want him to be alone."

"You know it's no use, right? He's going to say yes."

"Maybe. But, he hasn't officially said yes yet. So, there's still a chance. Until he officially becomes Michael's penguin suit, there's always a chance."

"I still don't understand that reference. Michael might destroy half the world in this battle, but he's not going to turn anyone into a penguin."

"It refers to Michael suiting up… never mind." Sam sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I have to believe that Dean won't quit."

"He ran away. Twice."

Sam chuckled. "That's less than I've ran away."

"How can you still believe in him?"

Sam looked over at Dean. Dean's hand was clenching and unclenching in his sleep. After a few minutes of silence, he finally said, "Because he's still fighting, even if he's not aware of it. Because I don't think he's going to say yes. And, just because he's my big brother. I have to have faith in him. Because he's all I have left."

"So you still have faith in him?"

"Yeah."

"In spite of everything he's done and said?"

"I've done and said worse to him. So, yes. In spite of everything."

Cas looked over at Dean, who was starting to stir some more. Although he was still out of it, Cas knew that he didn't want to be around when Dean woke up. Although, he wasn't sure if his nerves were due to Dean's betrayal, guilt about his aggressive beat-down of Dean, or fear about what Dean was planning. Because he was terrified, and he wasn't sure why.

He felt like he was balancing on the edge of his sword.

"I don't have faith in him anymore," Cas whispered, unsure if he was telling the complete truth. Wondering what the truth was. As soon as he said it, his frustration and disappointment deepened. It made him feel… human. It wasn't a good feeling.

Sam looked over at Cas. "You know, for what it's worth, I'm sure that Dean wasn't trying to hurt you or me or Bobby. He tends to…" his voice trailed off.

"Yes, he does." Cas sighed, knowing exactly what he had to do. He sworn to himself to protect both Dean and Sam. Although Dean was crashing and floundering, the angel didn't want to watch his friend hit bottom. "I'll lead you guys there. I'll help you rescue Adam. But, it's still a bad idea to take Dean there."

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

Sam leaned back in his chair. "It's all I'm holding on to now."

Cas nodded and walked out of the panic room.

End

A/N: This was a difficult one to write, for some reason. The idea hit me, but then it was hard to write. So, I apologize since I think it's OOC.


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